Being a mother is the most wonderful thing in the world! It is also the most gut wrenching, heartbreaking, hardest thing ever! I think when we have younger kids we feel like if we can just get to 18, they will go off on their own and our job as parents are done. I’m sure you moms out there (and Dads) with older kids are like, ha, ya right! Okay okay, I get it now. A parents job really isn’t ever done! 😬
In some instances it’s even more scary! You no longer have control over what they do, where they go, who they are with, what choices they make… YIKES 😩
In this season, I’m definitely learning this one BIG TIME. It is sooo hard! I have raised my adult daughter as best I could, taught her as much as I could about the Lord, encouraged her, loved her and set her free in the great big world.
Most of you know my girl is in boot camp and a few weeks ago, my normally sweet, happy, always positive, built with grits and grace, girl called me and what I heard was so far from her normal self. She sounded so defeated. So mentally and physically exhausted. Afraid about tests she had coming and fear that if she didn’t pass then she would have to start from the very beginning again. All the hard work she had gone through the last 6 weeks would have been for nothing.
My heart as a mom was so broken. I was anxious since we had just booked flights and hotels and what if we couldn’t change it, I was afraid for her, having to possibly start over, she had been injured so of course the doctor-mom in me was worried about her injuries.
My mind was running a mile a minute with all the panic and fear as a mom for my daughter. But what killed me most of all, was her broken spirit. She’s not a cryer. She’s not one to show emotion really. She’s tough and tends to keep things to her self to process alone in private with God.
The last 6 years or so I would say God has worked on a lot of things in my heart and in my life. But faith and trusting in Him has been the absolute biggest thing he’s worked on in me.
Have you ever tried to trim a cats nails or bathe a cat? Or maybe have you tried to strap a tantrum throwing toddler into their car seat? Or what about wrestling a Bull… This gives you a pretty good picture of how it probably feels for God dealing with me 🤦🏼♀️🥴 LOL.
All jokes aside, He is steadfast in His constant love for me and so very patient. And I think we are finally making some progress! 🥳 lol.
Unfortunately because of my past, but also fortunately, through life’s ups and downs, I’m learning to trust the Lord fully and completely in my life and with situations when they arise. Mostly it’s been in relationships (well, future relationships because #singlelife) and also finances and these new job opportunities, growing in my business and this little ministry He seems to keep blessing.
But trusting Him with my kids… 😩 Another lesson that I wasn’t ready for but I know it is necessary for growth in the double edge kinda way.
So here I sat after that phone call with my daughter. I immediately called out to the Lord. (Okay see, see God I’m learning 🙌🏻!). I also immediately called upon my prayer warriors to stand in the gap and cover her in prayer. I did absolutely feel God’s peace after praying and settled a little bit. But my mama heart was still feeling so… so.. sooo out of control, that’s what it was, the root. Control. Ughh I knew what God was trying to tell me. I knew it. But I wasn’t ready to give it to him from my heart yet. The sadness and anxiety heard in my daughters voice rang through my mind all night long. When I woke the next morning, I pretty much began seeking the Lord about her again.
In His true faithful form, He brought me back down memory lane. Teen years, being a young mom at 17, almost losing my second child, all the scary things as they grew, divorces, many court visits, custody junk, abuse of all kinds, break ups, ALL.THE THINGS!
He was showing me His ever constant faithfulness.
Then He circled me around to the beautiful story in 1st Samuel.
See, I was calling on the Lord regarding my daughter, and I was really trying to have faith that He had her, and part of me really has been trusting Him in this, but I also wanted answers now. I couldn’t wait a whole week to hear what happened? God, we have plane tickets booked, hotels booked, my heart and mind would go crazy waiting to hear if she passed this stupid test, GOD!!!
So He reminded me with 1st Samuel how to have 𝙛𝙖𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙖𝙞𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜.
See, much like every mother’s heart, Hannah was in deep anguish when she called out to the Lord for a child. She was, (one translation says), deeply distressed. She wanted a child so badly! She couldn’t understand why not her?
Isn’t it so true that sometimes as mother’s we feel like this? Deeply distressed, and like, why is this happening to me, or, why is this happening to my child?
Sometimes we become so weary of waiting for what we’ve been praying for that we give up and give in to the fear that is driving every single one of these emotions. Hannah waited so very long for a child.
But here’s the beautiful thing about Hannah; Instead of giving up, she sought God even more. Pressed in more.
Oh to have Hannah’s strength and faith.
She was determined to trust the Lord, and she was determined to not give up hope.
So in her waiting, she prayed…
She prayed and she cried her heart out before the Lord. She shared the deep anguish and pain with the Lord. So much that the priest thought she was drunk! But she wasn’t. She was pouring our her soul to the Lord.
“But Hannah answered, “No, my Lord, I am a woman troubled in spirit. I have drunk neither wine nor strong drink, but I have been pouring out my soul before the Lord.”
1 Samuel 1:15
She was a woman with the heart of a mother. A heart that was broken.
How many mothers have felt this deep anguish over their child? I certainly have.
But Hannah in all her anguish, refused to allow her faith to be conditional around the fact that she didn’t have a child yet. She did not base her faith on things she did or didn’t have.
Her faith was rock solid on what she knew about her God. What she knew of His character. His faithfulness, His Mercy, His Love. Hannah knew that her God was good and so she poured her soul out to Him. She knew he was the only one that would satisfy that deep, raw pain, and also the only one that could change her circumstances.
“They rose early in the morning and worshiped before the Lord; then they went back to their house at Ramah. And Elkanah knew Hannah his wife, and the Lord remembered her. And in due time Hannah conceived and bore a son, and she called his name Samuel, for she said, “I have asked for him from the Lord.””
1 Samuel 1:19-20
𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙇𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝙧𝙚𝙢𝙚𝙢𝙗𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙙 𝙝𝙚𝙧. 𝘼𝙣𝙙 𝙞𝙣 𝙙𝙪𝙚 𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚…
Won’t He do it.
He was faithful to His promise to Hannah but it was in His timing that He blessed her.
We have to be steadfast in our faith and in seeking God. Our faith cannot be based on our situations. Our faith, just like Hannah’s, has to be rock solid on the character and what we know to be true about our God!
“Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it.”
Whatever we ask for that is in the Will of God he will do it! But we have to trust His timing. Trust that he knows what’s happening behind the scenes in order to make it all come together.
Sometimes God doesn’t answer the way we want, or with what we want. Because He has something better.
Here’s the thing with me and my daughter. God is teaching me to wait on Him. To trust Him and have faith that He will bring her through this, keep her safe and take care of her.
Although I know from experience; this can sometimes be a scary place to be. It is also, quite possibly, the best, most wonderful place to be. It is where independence is gained, it is where growth happens, and it is where you seek and find the Lord like you have never before sought Him.
And my brother also reminded me of the double edge lesson; this is where my sweet girl will also learn to call out to the Lord. To trust Him, to have faith in all of the unknown. To be steadfast in seeking Him, pouring her sweet, discouraged heart out to Him. To rely solely on Him. To build her own deep roots in Him, with Him, through Him. Isn’t that truly the essence of what I have prayed over her her entire life?
It is the place where God uses the things that were meant to break you, and He uses them to make you stronger in Him, through Him.
Remain steadfast in your faith, friends. When you are feeling like God is silent, push in. He is faithful even in the waiting.
📸: Jordan Carpenter