Faith

When I was a little girl, we always went to church. Every Sunday. My parents were still married at the time, and I remember so vividly that time in my life. I remember the church we attended. I remember sitting next to my grandmother who would would always stand and speak in tongues. I would get so embarrassed every time because I didn’t understand it. She has always been a powerhouse for the Lord. My Grandmother and mother have always been the strongest examples of Christ in my life. Their faith in the big and small things has always amazed me. To this day, I still call my mom and my grandmother first when I need big prayer. They are mountain movers.

I spent a lot of time with my grandmother growing up. She is one of my favorite people in the whole world. Her and my mom were also very close and still are till this day. Funny fact… The grandmother I’m talking about is my dad’s mom and my parents have been divorced since I was about 5!

But my grandmother; Constance (Connie); her name means intercessor. I don’t think the Lord could have fit her with a more perfect name. I laugh about it and say that she has a direct line strait to God! Like He stops whatever He’s doing when Connie prays 😂. If you know her, you know exactly what I mean. She’s always praying for people and every situation.

When I was little we would go shopping. Nana was always shopping, lol. We would pull into the parking lot and she would say, “oh Jesus we thank you for that front row spot.” And every single time, we would have a front row spot.

I remember another time with my grandmother, I lost a stuffed animal while staying at her house and was getting ready to go home. She said, “Kerri, God knows where it is, why don’t you ask him, He will show you.” So I prayed and I found it minutes later!

My Grandmother and mother have always directed me back to the Lord.

We used to have these big family parties growing up. All of the cousins would come and it was like a whole weekend of games and so much fun! Well, one year a cousin came with chicken pox, whoops lol. All of the kids were getting it. I was the only one who hadn’t gotten it yet. They all kept telling me, “well you will get it don’t worry.” Just like my mom and grandmother had instilled in me, I looked up and said, “maybe God will just let it pass me by.”

And guess what, it did! I didn’t get the chicken pox until several years later. Childlike faith my mother called it.

See, my grandmother and my mom didn’t have any other secret direct line to God that we don’t have.

What they had was 𝙛𝙖𝙞𝙩𝙝.

No matter what happened in their lives, to the Lord they went. When ever someone needed prayer, they would always take it to the Lord. No matter what life threw at them, they trusted Him completely.

Their blind faith was so deeply rooted in me as a little girl. I remember praying for so many things and somehow knew God would take care of it.

Those times when I was so little, I don’t remember really seeing God work big things. I hadn’t had much of my own experiences with God just because of my young age. I just saw them pray and God answered. It taught me faith. I’m sure, as I look back now, not everything they prayed for God answered in a way they wanted. My point is that they had faith that He was in control, that He was faithful to answer. whether that would be a yes, no, or not right now; He would answer. I don’t remember when, but I just knew it too. Clearly those stories show you that I knew God would hear me and take care of what ever it was that I was seeking Him about.

Then my teen years hit. Wild running. Ups and downs in my walk with the Lord. There was so much trauma and so much life for such a young girl. My faith seemed like a distant thing from my past. At times I wrestled with whether God was even real or not. Never mind whether He would hear me. Trusting him blindly? I think not!

In the years as I grew older, life for me continued to be difficult. My Mother and Grandmother still continued to pour into me: Trust the Lord, have faith. To be honest, sometimes I would roll my eyes. What really was faith anyway?

The Oxford dictionary defines faith as having complete trust in something or someone.

Trust is not something that comes easily for me in any form. It never has behind those younger years. Trust? How?

Picture this; we sit down on a chair, we don’t wonder if the chair will hold us or not, we just sit. We 𝙩𝙧𝙪𝙨𝙩 or have 𝙛𝙖𝙞𝙩𝙝 that that chair will hold us. We don’t think about it every time we sit, we just sit.

But when it comes to God… Well that’s a whole other ball game – at least it was for me years ago. Even now at times still. Why at such a young age, I had such big faith but it dwindled over the years? I mean it’s a rhetorical question really. I wasn’t walking with the Lord, and had a lot of things happen, so I drew away from being constantly fed. I know why now. I think, because fear has been such a huge factor in most of my life, this is where the enemy sees the most gain. Fear has overpowered my faith.

A scripture I remember my Mom and Grandmother reading to me;

“He said to them, “Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.””

Matthew 17:20

I remember my mom even showed me one day what this scripture was talking about. She showed me a mustard seed. One of the tiniest seeds. But don’t let this tiny, little seed fool you. A mustard tree can grow anywhere between 6 and 20 feet!

It amazes me that all the genetic properties (or whatever the scientific jargon is 🥴), for a 6-20 foot tree is held in this teeny, tiny seed!

But Jesus tells us that if we just have that much faith in us, we have the power through the Holy Spirt to tell mountains to move! MOUNTAINS people!

As that little girl who spoke so confidently that her God would move in powerful ways, I am learning that those little mustard seeds planted long ago are beginning to grow. We have those genetic properties planted in us, to grow big, full trees.

I don’t see Him in the flesh, but I see Him through His people. I don’t see Him with my earthly eyes, but I see His steadfastness through His word when I read it. I don’t feel His physical touch, but I feel His Spirt fill me with peace and hope.

Sometimes in current situations, I don’t know how He will work things out, but I look back over my life, over His promises to His people and to me, and I know, He is there. He is in the midst of everything I do, every breath that I breathe. Every step that I take; He is there.

I don’t have that big faith yet. This is a huge struggle with me, but I have a little bit. If I can trust a silly thing such as a chair to hold me, made by human hands, why wouldn’t I trust a very real, very big God to hold me?

I can’t trust through human eyes though. It has to be blindly, through eyes of faith that look upon the heavens to things beyond what I even know. Trusting that He IS God and that He is there, with me, where ever I go. He has already gone before me. No matter what the circumstances may be, He is still there and He will carry me. He will carry me even more securely than that chair could ever hold me.

If you have little faith, even the size of that mustard seed, I challenge you to read through His word, see that steadfastness, His Faithfulness to His people. Read through an old journal where you had times of struggle and pick out every point where God was there. Maybe you didn’t feel it at the time but I bet looking back you’ll see it now. Ask Him to show you through eyes of faith.

Soon, you too will be sprouting your own mustard trees, and be ready to move mountains.

“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.”

Hebrews 11:1

Me 📸: Jordan Carpenter

Mustard Seed 📸: Joshua Lanzarini ~ Unsplash

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