Oops I Did It Again 🤦🏼‍♀️😑

 

Dating. 10/10 do not recommend! 🥴

Well, last summer I wrote a blog post called Independently Owned & Operated. It was about my views and thoughts on dating, and how I was content to just not date. Period!

 Well, in the words of Brittney Spears, “Oops I did it again.” 😑

On a bored, lonely night in May last year I fired up that dating app and gave it another whirl. I know, I know, baaaad move Kerri. Hind sight truly is always 20/20.

Well it lasted a whole week before I realized that was the stupidest whim I had. LOL. Should’ve baked a cake, gone for a walk… anything…. nope. 🙄

You truly need tough skin for those sites, let me tell ya. There are first, quite a variety of characters on there. Then there is the weeding process. What do they really want? Sex? Are they also just bored? Do they want just friendship? Are they looking for a spouse? Even though often times their profile will say one thing, they want something entirely different. 

Then, when you finally match with someone, you talk all night long, it seems great at first, only to be told you’re not what they are looking for, or that they only want a good time, or they ghost you all together! Being ghosted is so fun 👻🙄 NOT! It is absolutely maddening. 

The fear, the excitement, the letdown, the rejection. UGH! 😝

Some people travel through life and have an ‘it is what it is’ attitude. I mean, sometimes with some things I have that attitude, I get it. But when you are ready to have someone to do life with, it can feel totally defeating. 

You feel hopeless in a way. You see the already shallow dating pool dwindle even more before your eyes. Well, let’s just say I quickly remembered why I said never again. 

It was a total nightmare. LOL.

Not true. Not really. 

There was one.

We talked for nearly 4 months before we met. We built a friendship through those months. Same personality, same sarcastic humor. We shared funny memes and talked about our lives. It was exciting, but I kept my heart in check. I was okay alone. I very much enjoyed the friendship and having someone to talk to and the flirty snaps back and fourth… But was he real? 

After four months of talking we met. It was honestly the most natural and comfortable I’ve ever felt with someone in my life. We had spent so much time talking and getting to know each other. We were two people with broken pasts, yet our pieces seem to fit perfectly. 

We went on so many dates! Fun Dates, romantic dates, hiking dates, ice cream dates, friend dates. I never knew dating could be so much fun! It was safe, fun, and amazing. 

It was just nice to have that person to talk to, to laugh with, to explore and go on new adventures with. With my dating history, this was a breath of fresh air. There was no pressure or no needing to impress him. It just worked. For the first time I could be my normal, goofy self and he was the same. 

It was perfect. 

Until it wasn’t.

People change. 

And I don’t mean just him. 

We both changed. 

Sometimes life has a way of catching up and situations change. 

I let down my guard… I think a little too much. 

I fell.

I fell hard.

I let my focus and my passions shift to him. I let him become too big in my world. 

This one was different though. For the first time in my life I wasn’t in an abusive, toxic relationship. So it was ok. It had to be. I didn’t want to be back on the single block. I loved this guy! 

But, things don’t always work out the way we want. Dating can be amazing, but it can also be hard. 

I think in todays society we only want the things that feel good and make us happy. When the honeymoon phase is over and rocky roads come, some tend to jump ship; and well, you can’t stop them. Yeah, dating is hard. 

At our age everyone comes with baggage and a whole past. We all have fears and doubts and lessons we need to learn. 

Dating is actually the easy part, lol. It’s learning to navigate each others pasts, triggers, quirky ways, moods, and stressors that is difficult.  It’s seeing beyond the hurts and arguments and forgiving and digging deep to keep trying that is hard. It’s remembering why you fell in love in the first place.

It’s looking at yourself and being willing to change the negative things that need to go. Change. Another hard thing. Not impossible, but really, really hard. 

Sometimes, even when you do all these things, it still doesn’t work out. Emotions run high, things are said, hurts are caused; people give up and move on. That is part of life. It hurts. Quite honestly it sucks. But that is life. 

We take the lesson whether hard learned or not, and we retreat back to lick our wounds and pick up the broken pieces. 

So there it is.. There is no crazy drama like previous relationships. Maybe that’s why this one hurt more? It was normal. It was good. Sometimes the past creeps up and people choose to leave and you cannot stop them.

I’ve learned a lot about other people. I’ve learned a lot about myself. I’ve had to learn to let go of control and not fight for what is not mine. 

Dating is hard. It’s not for the faint at heart that’s for sure.  

Dating as a woman with a traumatic past… Well, thats a story for another day.