The tears fell, uncontrolled, and quietly ran down my cheeks. The memories came flooding back like a freezing winters rain. Pain gripped me so fiercely. It was the loudest cry of my heart, but yet it was complete silence. Not a soul could hear the shattering of the pieces I’d tried to hold so tightly together. I stared quietly into the darkness, my soul aching for yours. My lips whisper your name. A name that now seems so foreign to me. So familiar but also like a memory so long ago I can’t quite remember it clearly anymore. Through the blur of tears I can see you, your eyes staring back at me. But you’re blurry. Almost completely vanished from my sight. I keep blinking away the tears to see you clearly again, but I can’t. Through the labored breath of my cries I hear you. Your I love you’s, your laugh, but it’s faint. As faint as my breathe trying to breathe through the pain of my brokenness. My hands reach for you. But they only grasp the emptiness around me. My heart aches for you to stay, just for a moment. The memory, the vision of you, just stay for one more minute. Don’t leave me in the darkness tonight. Stay with me. But, the tears, they only fall harder. Quietly I surrender to the pain that engulfs me. For I know, that you are gone. The memories haunt my heart. But tonight, they run so deeply through my bones to the very core of me. I cannot escape them. I cry out for the Lord. He rushes to my side, stopping the bleeding of every gaping hole that seems to be wide open in these moments.
And there I sit… Caught in a snow globe of memories that I cannot run from. I let them fall around me as the grief and pain wash over me. I breathe in quiet acceptance of what is. What was. My heart stills. The tears slow. With swollen eyes I stare into the blackness of night with a feeling of emptiness. You are gone, leaving only the painful whispers of grief echoing in my heart.